This article was previously published here by Thought Catalog.
Despite the rapid expansion of online dating, a good old classic bar setting is still one of the best places to meet a man in New York. The city is literally teeming with bars that are bursting at the seams, every night of the week, with folk looking to let their hair down, and have some fun.
Entering a bar, single, is like walking up to a buffet, hungry. It’s the optimum place to be (but of course, some buffets are tastier than others).
Here’s my qualm: I’ve noticed that too many women hang back and admire the talent, then do nothing about it. They hope they’ll be magically singled out and approached by their future husband.
In other words, they’re at the buffet, with a giant empty plate, waiting for food to be dished out to them. That’s not how buffets work; it’s all about self-service.
If you identify your adonis (or adoni on a good night) and approach him, there’s a higher chance of a positive match. You’re actively electing what you want. If you wait to be hit on, it will likely be someone who doesn’t float your boat, resulting in polite chit chat and a sneaky escape to the bathroom. A waste of precious time.
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. You didn’t know him 5 minutes ago, so it doesn’t matter if you don’t know him in 5 minutes time. Rejection is possible, but it’s unlikely you’ll be ditched in a horrific, ego-crushing way (unless he’s a total a-hole),
What I’m saying is, you may as well grab those reigns, and take control. Here are my 10 tried and tested steps for making the move in a bar:
Scour the room immediately for men you find attractive. If your objective is to get lucky and the options aren’t up to scratch, hit the next bar. Repeat the scan every 20 minutes; Mr. Perfect may have just walked in.
2. Eye Bang
Flirtily make eye contact a couple of times. If he holds your gaze, or smiles, he’s interested.
3. Get Noticed
Find an excuse to stand or dance smack in his line of sight.
This is purely optional and not entirely brave, but I find a drink or two gives me the dutch courage to fearlessly approach a guy; just don’t wait till you’re sloppy.
Follow him to the bar (subtly!), and assume your position to pounce.
6. Say Something
Use any excuse to start a conversation, ranging from:
◦ “Is it just me or is service hella slow tonight?”
◦ “Awesome bar! Have you been here before?”
◦ “Were you first?”
◦ “What’s good to drink here?”
◦ “Nice hair / hot shirt / great beard”
◦ “Are those your friends? They seem fun”
◦ “Here alone?”
◦ “Know if it will get busy later?”
◦ “You’re smokin’… wanna make out?”
7. Group Ambush
If alone time at the bar isn’t presenting itself, go over to his group, confidently introduce yourself and make some small talk.
8. Ask the Question
Straight up ask him if he’s single. It cuts to the chase, makes it clear you’re interested, and if he’s not into you, it gives him an excuse to make up a girlfriend. I don’t want to waste my time talking to someone who’s either not available, or not keen.
9. Touch Him
A handful of times I’ve picked up a guy from pinching his ass. It sends a clear signal that you’re bold, cheeky, and attracted to him. This is slightly controversial, so execute with caution, particularly when genders are reversed (I don’t appreciate having my ass fondled by strangers). Other options include a light touch on the lower back, or a sexy graze on passing.
10. Bounce Back
Just as you’re not into every man at the bar, not every man will be into you. Don’t let a brush-off knock you down, that’s just part of the game. Revert back to Step 1, and go again (pick a different dude though!).
Trust me when I tell you that this approach rarely goes wrong. The guy is always flattered, and you end up leaving the bar with either a) him, b) his phone number, or c) no regrets because you had a damn good crack.
So get your bootie to the buffet, and pile up that plate…
Tell me about a time when you made the move in a bar: what did you do, and how did it go? Comment below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.